Easier to Keep Up Than to Catch Up

These are the words that I always hated hearing from my mom. Most of the time she would say them because I had forgotten to turn in an assignment in 6th grade. The problem is, well, she's right. I don't know if she'll enjoy hearing this, but I'm learning about this the hard way. From my last post, I talked about my lack of motivation, which still plagues me. However, I want to have the desire again. It's just seems like an uphill battle.

I have a physics test coming up on Monday. I don't really enjoy physics, I never really have, but the problem is now that I have to take a test in a class I haven't felt is worth the effort, I fear bombing it. I am not excited about that at all. So I can try to prepare myself by going back and reading everything, trying to make sense of it, and grinding myself to the bone, or I could just bomb it. Obviously I will choose the former, but the latter is enticing nonetheless.

This is where the saying comes in. It has always been, and will always be easier to keep up in a class, a church calling, work or service, than to catch up. Not only because you have to do more work, but because it seriously undermines any momentum you've built up.

I was told once that you will always swim faster if you're able to float on the water, if you keep as much of yourself out of the water as possible while propelling yourself with as much water as possible. Life is the same way. If you start off strong, and get the right technique from the beginning, you will be able to do what you need. When you let your feet drag in the water, you have to pull that much more with the rest of your body, and slowly you will start to sink.

I guess when we do refocus, there are always repairs to be done. Let us hope that our repairs are quick and painless, and not long and torturous (as physics).

Manere Acutus

Refocusing

So lately I've been slacking off. I don't know how to exactly explain it, but I have been having a hard time feeling like I want to be at school. I'm not talking about the average teenage angst that accompanies high school, I'm talking about wanting to skip classes, wanting to shirk assignments. This is not common for me, but I have felt the sad decline to apathy.

Here's the problem, I want to go to medical school, it is a dream of mine to be able to help people in a way that only a select few can. I want to be able to curb the pain, to help heal the world, and lift the broken. I want to be a tool for God to become hope again. I want that to be who I am.

Just one problem, I don't want to do the work to get there. I want to be, but not to become. I want to reach the destination but not enjoy the journey. Yes, I know, this is the wrong way to see it, but that doesn't change how I feel. What will change how I feel about it is changing my attitude about it.

I recently read something that I really enjoyed. These wise words from President Uchtdorf were strikingly personal this last week. I wish I had listened better during conference, but I am glad that I found it regardless.

This has taught me a few things,
1) Regrets can and will come. It's not something that has to determine who we are or who we will be. The important thing is to learn from the past, to let it be the text book that will lead us to a better life. We need to refocus our memories from a regret to a revelation.
2)Understand your priorities. I don't know how many of you know, but I'm married to a wonderful woman. She is ambitious, hard working, and at times easily distracted. Getting our schedules synced up isn't always as just setting aside time. She, enjoying spontaneity much more often during our free time than I, has taught me that you don't have to plan everything to the tee. What needs to be done is having the time together and letting some things fall by the wayside sometimes. Know why you're doing what you are, and be ok with refocusing your priorities sometimes.
3)Enjoy the journey. A lot of people have said this, and I add my witness. We can choose to enjoy our time. While being on a date with Kaili has always been enjoyed, a lot of the time we most enjoy our conversations in the car. An example that I am happy to share is that one day, after a bit of a disagreement and a lengthy discussion that kept us longer than I would've liked, Kaili and I were on our way to a cabin. It's roughly an hour drive, and this drive could have been very painful. My thought was that things would get better when we started doing something. "When we get up there, I will be able to unwind and know that we're enjoying our time," was my thought. The trip, after one quick stop, was one of the best conversations I've had with her ever. We refocused our attitudes to enjoy the trip.

So back to me and school. I've had my eye on a few tablets that I've been saving up for. I've thought "if only I had this tool, or that tool, I would be able to do SO much more." Although the statement might be true, it doesn't mean I would be doing more to help me become a doctor, I very well might just be doing more of the same lazy old things. It doesn't matter how I do something (on paper, laptop, or anything else), it matters why I do something. When I can refocus again, and enjoy school, my "why" will be because I enjoy it, and my tools no longer distract me as a shiny object, but rather refocus me further, onward toward my goal.

-Manere Acutus

Standing Company

Life is one crazy trip. I know that often times we are found on the outskirts of the hurricane, sometimes in the storm, but there are the very few times we get to stand in the middle. These are the times we can look up and watch the clouds pass by. These are the times when, even though we know the storm is right around the corner, we are thankful for life. The thing I've found out is that the people that stand next to you in those moments are those that make the break in the storm truly peaceful.

I have many people to thank for that. My friends, my family, a special thank you to my mom, happy mother's day. But I'm really dedicating this post to Kaili Smith. She's been very nice and complimentary to me, far beyond what I deserve. It's because of her that I'm becoming a better man. She's supported me in some pretty hard trials, like job switches, frustrating classes, and even surgery (check that out at http://dailyadventuresofapremed.blogspot.com/). Through all of this, she has shown me how a person can be a miracle. I'm just happy that in 47 days, I get to call this princess in disguise my wife. 

Now, I know I could go on and brag about her, but really guys, I'm going to let you get to know her a little bit better too. http://kailiscrazytimes.blogspot.com

I hope she knows how happy I am and how blessed I feel to be hers.

Having been lost in love, I have never felt so found.